I am sorry

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I am sorry dearest,
for not enough words,
or too many of them.

I am sorry I burned your heart
while spitting fire with my sharp speech
you seemed so calm,
until you, too, eventually caught fire.

I am sorry for not being woman enough to stay silent,
for crying aloud and seeking help,
for talking about my pain,
for speaking and speaking and speaking.

I am sorry for the lies, my dear,
I am sorry I blamed insomnia for the sleepless nights,
and hormones for eating at two o’clock in the morning,
while it was all me.

I am sorry I am not much of a woman,
or the woman you thought I’d be.
Quiet and lovely and soft as a sheep.
I am sorry I am not much of a woman,
and less of a man, and nothing inbetween.

But, oh darling, if you only knew
the silence of my heart and mind,
when I lay my head upon your chest.

You’d know how much of a human I am.

Jehona Thaqi©

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