To my depression

Here I am,
sitting in this empty room,
once filled with dreams,
now burned to ashes.

Dear depression,
this is to all the years you have taken from me
and to all the memories you broke.

I can still remember the time you came, how you entered my heart so quietly and how you started to conquer every inch of my mind. Sleep was my very saviour, and yet it was so difficult to escape your hungry arms and demanding behaviour. Suddenly everything I did was not good enough. Not enough. Nothing. I was stuck inbetween trying to please everyone and trying not to break down in tears. You held me a prisoner in my own body and I did not know how to escape. God, how I wish I had asked for help, but instead you made everything seem so small and all of my thoughts seemed beyond ridiculous. So I stayed quiet. I said nothing. I lay on my bathroom floor for hours and cried, until there were no more tears left. Blood dripping onto my body – but I never cut deep enough. You made me believe that I wasn’t even enough to end this pain, that I was a coward. Afraid of death. Frankly, I did not want to die. You wanted me to.  

Dear depression, I am sick of you. You have reduced me into something I am not – and when I glare into the mirror I see this young woman with so much pain, a woman who is afraid to seek help. Afraid of judgement. Afraid of her scars, upon wrists and soul. Yet still so strong, for walking upon shattered dreams and broken memories.

Dear depression, you will not kill me. For there are people that need what you have taken from me. And I will stay upon this earth, to give what I have lost. Hope, integrity and love.

Jehona Thaqi© If you are struggling with depression please ask for help! And if you need someone to talk to, I would gladly listen to you. You can contact me at any time.

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