Notes on leaving

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We were sitting on the back of the taxi,
my hands pressed against yours,
snowflakes drifting to the ground,
as if to make my leaving easier,
as if to say you will come again with spring.

I watched you, your vivid smile
and tired eyes.
I regret not having taken a picture of you that night,
the sadness on your face made you look different, but beautiful.

These familiar roads,
the burning lights at each corner of this young night,
people laughing, loving birds fluttering against the snow.

I felt the urge to scream no.
I wanted to say ‘keep me here, don’t make me leave’.
But as everything important in life stays unsaid, I remained silent.
And the taxi drove us to the place our hands parted;
to the place our hands will meet again
when the snow is gone.
And we will plant seeds of love in the cracks of our skin.

Jehona Thaqi © notes, thoughts and everything my fingers could not leave unwritten

Falling silence

Did you count the times you left me

weeping and sobbing into the cussions,

grabing your arms in order to hold on

to what seemed impossible to keep,

while my body ached and you could hear

the bones cracking, eyes closing,

silence falling.

Did you count the times you left me

helplessly calling your name,

asking you to turn back and hold on

to what seemed impossible to keep,

while your body walked straight out of the room,

feet clicking, doors closing,

silence falling.

Did you count the times you left me

speechless, stuck inbetween thoughts and reality,

I stared at you in order to hold on

to what seemed impossible to keep,

my eyes burning in agony of losing

what was never really mine;

tell me, did you count the times

you left me

bluntly and silent,

you left me

broken and helpless,

you left me

filled with love and sadness

and full of empty hopes.

You left me and I could hear the silence fall upon my ribs,

so unbearably loud

it made me breathe heavily;

so tell me,

did you count the times

you left;

for I have counted all the times

you came back.

Jehona Thaqi©